Is This What You Signed Up For Or Not?

In which I grapple with the whole "you voted for this horrible thing!"

So, we’re about four months into the latest presidential administration, which has been… uh… something. There are ICE raids ripping mothers from children and exiling actual citizens because of a lack of due process, whiplash tariffs, naked corruption, sneering contempt at the courts, and the gutting of important parts of the federal government such as the National Weather Service, Social Security, and Medicare. We’re entering the heart of what is shaping up to be one of the worst severe weather seasons on record, and already FEMA has been decimated and Trump is refusing disaster aid even to places that voted for him.

All this has led to some Trump voters, some of the most disproportionally impacted by these policies, starting to feel duped. Social media and legacy media are replete with Trump voters now regretting their choice.

“I didn’t vote for this!” is becoming a familiar refrain.

And invariably, the response from the anti-Trump contingent is: “oh yes, you did!”

Leopards, faces.

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I find myself torn here.

I fully understand the perspective of “you definitely did vote for that.” Trump was pretty explicit about his revenge tour all throughout the campaign. He was pretty up front about tariffs that are devastating small businesses right now. He promised mass deportations, millions of people. (The number was a moving target that kept growing throughout the campaign.)

But over and over I keep hearing that people really thought he was just going to go after gang leaders and criminals. Not their friend. Not the mom with three kids who nobody even knew wasn’t here legally. Not the guys doing their roof who haven’t caused any problems. He promised them he was going after the bad guys.

He promised them the tariffs were going to be good for everyone, not this insane haphazard ChatGPT generated madness.

He promised them tax cuts.

He promised them Project 2025 wasn’t real.

He promised them he wasn’t going to cut Medicare and Medicaid, and was going to fix it with something something concepts of a plan.

And they bought that.

I don’t know what to tell them, here.

It’s not like he was an unknown quantity. Unless you were in a coma for the last several decades, it would be virtually impossible not to know that Trump is a vindictive, cruel, petty, thin-skinned narcissistic sociopath who can’t read and has the attention span of a goldfish. His outright criminal thinking is incredibly well-documented. He has a track record of more than half a century of stiffing contractors, cheating his way out of everything, grift and corruption and tax evasion and robbing his own “charities.” Literally hundreds of staffers from his first administration publicly denounced him and begged the US not to re-elect him.

With even cursory critical thinking, it should have been patently obvious that the only way to deport millions of people in short order would be to skip due process and go after the most vulnerable people first. With even an uncharitable view of the Biden administration, is it seriously reasonable to think that previous administrations wouldn’t be trying to catch actual criminals?¹

With even some basic consideration of “how would that work?” and talking to anyone who does business planning or banking, across the board massive tariffs and a trade war do not benefit literally anyone here. Even if you believe a trade imbalance is bad, or we should be doing more US manufacturing, doing it by crippling the current economy is a pretty dumb way to do it. “We’ll just build it here!” Really? Do you know how long it takes to get a factory designed and built? Like even if we stripped off all permitting and regulations, it still takes years to build the things that build the things. We don’t have tooling engineers. We don’t have the equipment.

The idea of “they didn’t vote for that” is charitably based on treating now remorseful Trump voters as incredibly naive and stupid. Even if you subscribe to the idea that they get their news solely from right-wing sources, and thus ill-informed, all you would have to do is just actually think things through for a minute to see the glaringly obvious fatal flaws. Ask even basic questions about the practicality of what he said he would do.

When I hear them say “I didn’t vote for this!” what I hear is really “I didn’t think this particular outcome would happen to me.”

But they still walked right into a ballot booth and decided:

• Racism was not a deal breaker.

• Xenophobia was not a deal breaker.

• Misogyny was not a deal breaker.

• Homophobia and transphobia were not deal breakers.

• Sexual assault was not a deal breaker.

• Hate speech was not a deal breaker.

• Mishandling a deadly pandemic was not a deal breaker.

• Inciting a coup was not a deal breaker.

• Felony convictions were not deal breakers.

And they pulled the lever anyway.

They can say “I didn’t vote for this,” and refer to a specific thing happening to them that they don’t like, and not be wrong.

But let’s call it what it really is: buyer’s remorse. You can say they didn’t think it through or that a particular consequence would happen, and that’s fine, whatever. But that’s what buyer’s remorse is. It doesn’t make them better people.

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We do need paths away from MAGA and Trumpism for these folks. They do, in fact, need a permission structure to walk away from it. Absolutely they do. I grew up in a deeply Republican place; literally scant miles from the birthplace of the party itself. I was involved in evangelical ministry when I was in college. I’ve been watching power structures my whole life that wholly exclude and shun the nonbeliever (and excluded by them because I wasn’t willing to unquestionably accept the doctrines).

Leaving is costly. You lose friends. Family. Customers for your business that might have already been barely over the edge. You could easily lose a whole life.

I lost my godmother to it. She fell down the conspiracy rabbit hole during covid and I haven’t talked with her in more than four years.

So yes, people who want out need permission and a safe landing to exit that life.

And those on the anti-fascist front are left with a choice in how to navigate that.

Some people I respect think that we need to welcome these people into the tent, with open arms. Welcome to the Resistance! Glad you finally woke up! What size T-shirt do you wear?

Or you have the Third Way and Blue Dogs and political consultant class who suggest throwing minorities and marginalized groups like trans people under the bus and going only just a little bit to the right. Pick up up the moderates, you know? Grab a few more centrists. Appease a few of those young Joe Rogan-pilled men. Be more bland, instead of colored hair (or, rather tacitly, skin).

And I’m a hard no on both of these approaches, for two reasons.

First, if you pick off a few marginal voters here, they’re never really joining the cause; they’ll instead slide over in a very shallow way. They won’t stick around. You won’t be able to count on them.

And ultimately they become their own problem. The establishment Republicans learned the hard way here, you can’t bring the rabid frothing dogs into your party and think you can hitch them up to the sled and they will never break loose or bite you. Movement Conservative Republicans brought the John Birch Society back into the fold with the alt-right and the right-wing militia members and the Charlottesville guys (against the very explicit warnings of William F. Buckley more than half a century ago) under that very idea, and that’s precisely why Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, and John Boehner no longer have seats in Congress, replaced by people like Lauren Bobert and Jim Jordan.

Do you know what these people do when you invite them in? Because, again, they haven’t fundamentally changed and are still the same people who are just fine being bullies and bigots?

They take over. And then they destroy you from the inside with infighting.

We did this already, in 2016, with the Bernie Bros. A lot of these same awful people waltzed in and stayed awful people. And when they didn’t get what they wanted because primary voters didn’t vote for it, or get the “respect” they thought they deserved without having earned it, they instead blew things up. They started fights, and refused to show up when it mattered even though it meant throwing the election to the guy who stood to demolish everything they said they wanted, because it was more important to “send a message” to the party leaders.

And when their tantrumming got some of them kicked back out again, they just went right on back over to Joe Rogan who told them that the world just couldn’t handle their high-testosterone alpha maleness and brought them right back into the fold there.

“Don’t you want to win elections, Pete?”

I keep saying, I’m not a Democrat, so I care a lot less whether Democrats win elections. I just want rational adults who actually believe in democracy and the rule of law to be in charge. I want basic stability. Democrats for the moment appear to be the better choice here and have been most of my adult life.

But Democrats have often also proven to be feckless idealists who also don’t think through the consequences of their policy choices, either.

Second, winning a short term tactical goal of an election without addressing the core reasons that half of the United States has lost its goddamned collective minds and is increasingly fine with horrific things does me exactly zero good. Maybe it keeps my trans friends marginally more safe for a few more years. Which, not nothing, but also, does not in any meaningful way help the underlying problems.

These people aren’t getting cold feet because they stopped believing in the cruelty and vindictiveness and bigotry inherent in Trump’s philosophy. They are getting cold feet because it’s now directly impacting them.

These are people who would happily sell out some Venezuelan roofers to ICE… so long as they don’t lose their au pair. They wanted other people cut from Medicare and Medicaid… so long as they continue to get their check. At no point did this thinking change. It has just finally settled in that the natural consequences of their choices are more hurtful to them than expected.

They’re still the same bullies and bigots they always were. They haven’t changed.

So why would I want them in the tent with me? They still don’t agree with me on a fundamentally moral level. They’re still fine with pettiness and vindictiveness, with the chaos and the bigotry, the idea that some people are better than others or more deserving of rights that comes with all of the trappings of MAGA. They still lack all the empathy they lacked eight months ago. They do not care about other people; they care only for themselves, and realize only now that they could get hurt as well by it.

Why would I welcome them then?

Why invite in people who think it’s just fine to drunkenly trash the place, light it on fire, and then just skip out on you later?

What, the enemy of my enemy is my friend?

I mean, right there, that’s the fundamental problem with the enemy of your enemy: there’s usually a good reason he wasn’t already your friend.

I’ll take their votes when the day comes, I suppose, but welcome them? Trust them?

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Look, like I said, I agree with the idea that we need offramps and permission structures out of the MAGA world. People do want to leave this toxic cult of personalities. I do believe that some of them are getting sick of being hurt by it, or just tired of the insanity.

But those paths out require change. Actual, real change in thinking.

It requires repentance.

I don’t think it requires up-front atonement, or penance. In some of the discussions I’ve had, I get this pushback: how much do they have to suffer before they’re accepted? How much penance must they do? Put on sackcloth and ashes and wail and gnash their teeth?

No, I’m not suggesting that at all.

But I do need to see actual, demonstrated change in fundamental thinking. Not just some regret. They need to start showing that they have made a foundational shift in their underlying morality.

I need to see more than just some buyer’s remorse.

I need to see that:

• Racism is a deal breaker.

• Xenophobia is a deal breaker.

• Misogyny is a deal breaker.

• Homophobia and transphobia are deal breakers.

• Sexual assault is a deal breaker.

• Hate speech is a deal breaker.

• Mishandling a deadly pandemic is a deal breaker.

• Inciting a coup is a deal breaker.

• Felony convictions are deal breakers.

I need to see evidence that they do, in fact, care about other people without it being directly impactful to them. I need to see some evidence that they will remain consistent in that.

I need to see at least some evidence that they, in fact, not still shitty people.

I don’t want shitty people in my coalition, not even if they now agree with my goals. If that’s the cost of winning, then screw it, I’d rather lose. I’m not going to enable shitty people or accept them for the sake of “winning.”²

As the Good Book says: what does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?

If they want out, that’s fine. I think we can and should be providing them with the means to do it.

I think that does mean we need to offer them some degree of community to come into, and the safety to escape. And if that’s merely on condition precedent, then it’s not going to work. If we make them pay an up-front penance for leaving the toxic cult, they won’t leave the toxic cult.

But that doesn’t mean it’s unconditional. If you want to join a community, then you need to 1) play by the rules, and 2) follow through on the community beliefs and social contract.

I think that’s essential here. If someone legitimately wants to leave MAGA because they have enough buyer’s remorse, then we can offer them a safe place to land if they are willing to show that change of heart. If they are willing to be humble and listeners, and understand that they are starting at the bottom with a whole bunch of trust to build.

They can start with an inherent good faith face-value acceptance of their statement they want to leave MAGA, fine. But that goodwill can and should disappear quickly if they do not demonstrate that fundamental change.

Now, relapse is part of recovery. I don’t expect immediate overnight sustained turnaround. But I absolutely expect accountability and willingness to take responsibility for the change.

In a lot of ways, it’s like running a treatment court with addicts. You don’t expect perfection and you kind of expect a lack of total buy-in at first. You know they’re going to struggle, and it’s going to require some sanctions. But you also offer community, and support, and to be a cheerleader for change.

What you speak to in people is what rises up in them. If someone is willing to make that change, we can speak to the positives and the intentions. We can offer them a path to being a being a better citizen, and it should explicitly be a path to being better citizens and people. We can offer them a better community, one in which people actually care for each other.

In that sense, I guess, we can welcome them in.

Not with open arms, not with complete trust.

But with tentative, cautious optimism and strict boundaries and accountability until they prove themselves.

Because they signed up at least once for a program of cruelty, bullying, retribution and vengeance, and an ideology completely built on the idea that some people are better than others.

And until they show that they absolutely reject that, consistently and clearly, they will do it again.

1. Also, you know why you don’t deport them? Because you put them in prison. Where they don’t come right back in the back door.

2. Same goes to people who think Democrats should take back Elon Musk now that he’s considering funding them in the next election cycle. Don’t take money from the Nazis, not even if they are willing to start funding the Allies.